You May Say I'm a Dreamer

Hey.

This is just a rambling about my dream.

Nothing is interesting here, 

unless you want to give me some useful advice 

or curious about what university I chose in SNMPTN, 

then go ahead. 

I've warned you.

***

"If your dream do not scare you, they are not big enough." - Ellen Johnson Sirleaf

I've been listening to choir of angels Pentatonix's new cover of John Lennon's Imagine for days, all day and all night long I sing it because they totally slayed it and breathtakingly blessed my ears and they sound so angelic that left me in tears and--- sorry, couldn't control my fangirling side. Well, there's one lyrics that says 'You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.' A dreamer. Even though this song isn't about pursuing-our-dream motivation, but the line makes me thinking about my nearest dream ––about where I'm going to college.

Back when I was in elementary school, it was easy for me to say ‘I wanna continue my study in Universitas Indonesia faculty of medicine'. And yeah, I stick to it till I was in about 8th grade. Too easy that I once said ‘I have to go to NY and attend New York University, school of medicine I'm coming.' Ha. Apparently my affection towards The Big Apple makes me want to spend my college year there.

After that I became a 9th grader, the last year of secondary school. I don’t know why and since when, but my mind told me 'no, I don’t think I’m capable to learn science and those medical thingy'. Besides, the reason why I wanted to be a doctor in the first place was because society said that doctors are rich HAHAHAH. Right in the middle of traffic jam at Kuningan, I told my mom I wanna study literature. She asked me why and after doing some 'consultation', I assured myself that I wanna study broadcasting after I graduate from high school. Her respond left me awestruck. I realized that I'd do anything to work 'belakang layar', and I just can't stand being in 'belakang meja' for the rest of my life. No doubt, I've had a quite deep thought about university since I was in secondary school. 

'Do what you love, and love what you do', said tumblr. I was sure that broadcasting is the right thing for me to learn. I’m enjoying every minute I spent finding out about creative industry and stuffs. I never knew if Indonesia had that faculty in public universities so I began searching for any information (thanks to Mr. Google). Ever since, communication studies is on my #1 priority.

this picture was taken when i attended fisip summit months ago

From grade 9 till 10, faculty of social and political science in UI was my goal. Not enough with that, I wrote in my dream list that I wanna take double degree program so I can spend my 2 years in UI and 2 years remain in University of Queensland learning about journalism. LMAO. In 11th grade, after some considerations I told myself I wanna go to Universitas Gadjah Mada. I was too convinced that time. Or maybe you could say too positive thinking, huh? Well, I do have another dream actually, which is studying in undergraduate program of Digital Media and Communications in –guess what– New York University. The point is, at that time I had no burden to choose UGM as my university goal.

A year had passed. Right when I've reached my last year of high school, I started getting so damn confused. So many factors and dilemmatic chaos running on my head. I can’t reassure myself confidently like I used to. Is my choice really the right choice? Should I burry my dream? Go on and follow it? Or try to consider everything from the beginning? I’m flustered.

In the end, what left to do is turning my worries over to God. By all means I'm trying the best I can do, but no matter what I'll ask Him for guidance. Now that I'm in the last semester of high school, I finally made a clear decision (gonna tell you about this 3 months from now, I think). I admit that I was a good dreamer, but is it too late to become more visionary planner?

bismillahirrahmanirrahiim.